Slayers Switch
by Graywords
Summary: I wrote this Slayers fic for a contest where we had to make it humorous, but at the same time we had to switch the roles of the male and female characters around.
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
An explosion rocked the ground and a trail of black smoke lifted into the sky. Another explosion followed it and then a roar of men rushing into battle.   
  
"CHARGE!!!"   
  
Shortly after, several more blasts echoed into the night and was quickly accompanied by another united cry of men's voices.  
  
"RUN AWAY!!!"  
  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed, as another Fireball exploded from his hands.  
  
A black cape, which was attached to a pair of black shoulder guards with two red gems on the sides, flapped behind him. He wore a blue tunic with a black turtleneck underneath it, and dark brown pants were tucked into ebony boots. Also, he had on a black headband, which had strange designs written across it and four red talismans, one on both his wrist, on his belt, and on the collar of his shirt. He had a soft, pale complexion and cerulean eyes, one of which was hidden behind light violet hair.  
  
"Who...who are you?!" the leader of the bandits demanded.  
  
The figure chuckled. "I'm the all powerful sorcerer, Zelgadis Graywords!" he boasted proudly.  
  
The bandit gaped in horror. "Y-you...you mean...you're THE Zelgadis Graywords?! Enemy of All Who Live! The Girly-Looking Boy who Dragons wouldn't even mess with?! The Poster Boy of Destruction?!"  
  
A large vein popped out of Zelgadis' head and the background behind him had become a massive inferno.  
  
"Who...are you calling...'Girly-Looking?!" he boomed, grabbing the front of the bandit's shirt.   
  
"W-wait! I-"  
  
Zelgadis didn't give the bandit a chance to say anything else before he turned him into kindling.   
  
"Don't think you over did that?" a voice queried from behind.  
  
"But, Lina," Zelgadis whined, "he said I was 'girly-looking.'"  
  
Lina shook her head and pulled the white hood she was wearing further over her face.  
  
"Now where the hell did that Jellyfish-for-brains go?" Zelgadis asked aloud.  
  
  
The sound of metal striking metal could be heard, as a longhaired female blocked another attack by her opponent.  
  
"What's wrong, baby? Am I too much for you?" the bandit licked his lips.  
  
"Nah!" she replied jovially. "Haven't even broken a sweat!"  
  
The bandit sweatdropped.  
  
A voice suddenly interrupted the battle and the two combatants looked up to see a figure in white standing on a wooden pole a few feet away. Striking a dramatic pose the person pointed a finger in the bandit's direction.  
  
"You, the doer of evil, who have brought pain and suffering to the innocent villagers of Farthia, shall feel the full fury of the Hammer of Justice! Ha!"  
  
Leaping from the pole, the individual was headed straight towards the surprised bandit. Before reaching their intended target, the figure, however, crashed head first into the ground, coming to a stop right at the brigand's feet.  
  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
  
"Are you all right, Xellos?" the swordswoman queried, as she prodded the unconscious prince with a stick.  
  
Lifting his face, he gave a lopsided smile. "Just fine, Sylphiel-san," he groaned, giving a thumbs up, and then collapsed again.  
  
  



	2. Chapter 1

"THAT'S MINE, SYLPHIEL!!"  
  
Zelgadis dug his fork deeper into the piece of steak as his partner began tugging.  
  
"But I ordered it! Eat your own food, Zel!"  
  
"But you weren't eating it!"  
  
"Well I want to eat it now!"  
  
Lina ignored the game of tug-of-war as she sipped on her cup of coffee. Instead, she was thinking to herself, occasionally moving her drink aside when a dish or, in this case, Sylphiel crashed onto the table.   
  
"Ouch..." the black haired swordswoman groaned.  
  
"VICTORY!!" Zelgadis cheered after snagging the steak and knocking Sylphiel away. Stuffing the piece of meat into his mouth whole, he picked up three rolls and began buttering them.  
  
"Please, Zelgadis-san, you're drawing a lot of attention," Xellos pointed out, as he bit down on his fork.  
  
"So what?" he replied in-between bites.   
  
Having returned to her seat, Sylphiel had resumed gorging herself, briefly raising her head to ask Zelgadis a question.  
  
"Hey, Zel? Where are we headed now?"  
  
"Yes, Zel..." Lina began with a hint of irritation. "Where are we going now?"  
  
Swallowing and taking a large gulp of his drink, Zelgadis turned to his cloaked friend. "Come to think of it, I really don't know?"  
  
Lina fell out of her chair.  
  
"You don't remember why we came out here in the first place?!" Lina boomed, jumping back to her feet. "We're supposed to be looking for my cure!"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"'Oh yeah,'" Lina mimicked angrily, looming over the table towards Zelgadis.  
  
Xellos leapt from his chair and put his hands on Lina's shoulders in hopes of settling her down. "Calm down, Lina-san."  
  
"Yeah, Lina," Zelgadis agreed, waving away Lina's heated look. "Just calm down. Don't worry, we'll continue with looking for your cure right after breakfast."  
  
Sighing in frustration, Lina lowered herself back into her seat.   
  
"Great! Now that that is settled...Hey, waitress!" he began trying to flag down some service. "Another seven rounds of number eight!" Pausing for a moment, he added, "And another pot of coffee!"  
  
"Um, excuse me."  
  
"Didn't you hear me? I said-"   
  
Zelgadis stopped mid-speech when he realized it wasn't a waitress he was speaking to. Instead it was a young girl with long, braided cerulean hair and emerald green eyes. A simple brown maiden's dress was all she wore and ankle-high boots.  
  
Trembling and wringing her hands, the girl continued.  
  
"Hello, I...I'm very s-sorry for in-interrupting you, b-but I needed to ask...um." She hesitated. "Are...are you Zelgadis Graywords, the Bandit-Killer?"  
  
Zelgadis chuckled as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What gave it away?"  
  
"Well, somebody told me that you were in town, and you were the most girly looking boy here, so- Um? Is something wrong?"  
  
Zelgadis was seething, and had begun preparing a spell. Xellos quickly caught him mid-way through and was holding him back.  
  
"No, Zelgadis-san! Calm down! She didn't mean it, really!"  
  
Noticing Sylphiel motioning for her attention, the girl leaned over.  
  
"You might want to avoid calling Zel girly-looking."  
  
The girl nodded, glancing back over at the angry Zelgadis.   
  
"What is it that you want?" Lina asked over her coffee.  
  
A relieved smile crossed her face. "I'm in real trouble, or more specifically, my father. You see, my- Um? You don't mind if I sat down, would you?"  
  
"Go ahead," Lina nodded.  
  
Sylphiel quickly stood up and pulled another chair up to the table for her.  
  
In a huff, Zelgadis joined them back at the table when Xellos finally released him.  
  
"So what happened to your father? And why do you need Zelgadis-san's help, miss?" Xellos queried after he had returned to his seat.  
  
"Forgive me, my name is Siria Barton. I'm in a terrible situation-"  
  
"Yeah, you mentioned that already,"Zelgadis interrupted. "What happened?"  
  
"I was getting to that." Pulling her braid over her shoulder she began fingering the hair at the bottom. "You see, my father has disappeared. It happened while we were visiting another village called Tehir, which is a three-day walk from here. The Magic Guild located there summoned us for business reasons. I wasn't allowed to accompany my father to the Guild meetings, but every time he returned to our inn I knew something was wrong. I'd ask him, but he would always say it was all in my mind."   
  
Trembling, she paused briefly, twisting her braid tighter in her hands. Zelgadis thought that she would start to cry for a moment, but she started back up.  
  
"On the night before we left Tehir, my father woke me up early and told me to start on home alone. It took a while before I agreed and started home in our cart. He said that he would catch up to me or meet me at home later. He said he has some more business with the Guild," Siria sniffled. "I waited for four days, worried sick something had happened to him. I wrote a letter to the Guild and they replied that my father had departed three days earlier. That was two weeks ago." Tears began rolling down her eyes.  
  
"What do you want me to do about it?" Zelgadis questioned, unaffected by the story.   
  
Xellos glared at Zelgadis as he elbowed him in the side. "That's horrible," Xellos sympathized. "And you haven't heard from your father since?"  
  
Wiping away her tears, Siria reached into her pocket and pulled out two folded pieces of paper. Picking up one she unfolded it and handed it to Zelgadis.  
  
"Two days ago that letter arrived saying it was from my father and it said that he wanted me to join him. After reading it I'm certain it's not my father who wrote it. He must have been kidnapped or something."  
  
Zelgadis looked over the letter, reading through it carefully. "What makes you say that?"  
  
"The signature."  
  
"What about it? Just looks like a normal signature to me," he replied.  
  
"That's not father's signature at all," she informed him. Picking up the second letter she handed it to Zelgadis and pointed towards the bottom. "See, you can tell the difference."  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped.  
  
"Your father's signature...is a smiley face?"  
  
Embarrassed, she nodded.  
  
"Not a very well drawn smiley face, either," Xellos added over Zelgadis' shoulder.  
  
"It looks more sick than happy," Lina pointed out.  
  
"Hey! That's pretty good!" Slyphiel remarked.   
  
Everyone at the table face-faulted.  
  
Zelgadis suppressed the urge to smack the swordswoman and turned back to Siria, who was also returning to her seat. "So what do you want me to do? Go off on some crazy search for you old man?"  
  
"Please?" Siria begged. "I just know that someone must have kidnapped my father. I can't do this alone and no one will help me!"  
  
"You're right, no one is going to help you."  
  
"Zelgadis-san! How could you say that?!" Xellos exclaimed, shocked. Jumping on to the table, Xellos immediately started into his speech. "How can you turn your back on Siria-san in her time of need. As a warrior of Justice you should-"  
  
"Enough, Xellos!" Zelgadis put up his hand to stop him, sparing himself another one of Xellos' justice speeches. Turning his attention towards Siria, he eyed her questioningly for a moment. "Why would you think someone kidnapped your father?"  
  
Siria lowered her head. "Because of my father's work."  
  
"What did your father do?" Lina inquired.  
  
"My father researched and experimented many things. He was always coming up with new potions and magical items to sell at our shop or even just to satisfy his curiosity. One of his more extensive studies was based on the work of Shuldis Almorizar."  
  
Lina's eyes widened. "Did you say Shuldis Almorizar? Famous for his work in the field of Koppi research?"  
  
"Yes, exce-"  
  
"Your father was into Koppi making?" Xellos asked abruptly.  
  
"No, my father had read into Koppi making, but I don't think he ever thought of even attempting it."  
  
"Well, what did your father do?" Zelgadis questioned.  
  
"He was researching chimeras."  
  
Everybody went wide-eyed, except Sylphiel who was stuffing the last remnants of food into her mouth.  
  
"Chi-me-ra?" Lina said slowly. This is it, Lina was rejoicing to herself. This might be the clue to changing her normal. Maybe she could finally reverse this curse Luna had placed on her?  
  
"Don't jump to conclusions, Lina," Zelgadis advised the chimera when he had seen the look in her eyes. "How far did your father get in his research?" he probed.  
  
"He's been researching it since he was a young man. I'm not sure how far he got, but I do know that he had discovered something great recently. I figured that it was because of that find he was summoned to the Magic Guild. He is very proficient in chimera production."  
  
"If he's so good at chimera making, why does he run a magic shop?" Xellos wondered.  
  
"It's been the family business for three generations. He was the only child, so he had to take on the shop."  
  
After finally noticing Lina trying to gain his attention, Zelgadis rose to his feet. "Group meeting!"  
  
All the Slayers moved from the table and huddled in a corner, out of earshot of Siria. She watched them curiously as they whispered back and forth, the girl in the off-white clothes being the most vocal one on the subject. At one moment Zelgadis shouted 'Idiot' and whapped the woman with black hair in the head with a slipper. Finally, the group wandered back over to the table, Sylphiel rubbing her head and mumbling about 'still not understanding.'  
  
Zelgadis cleared his throat as he returned to his seat. "We have decided that we will help you, but I don't work for free," Zelgadis glanced back over at Lina and Xellos and gave them a look.   
  
"Of course," Siria nodded, excitedly. "I figured you'd want to be paid for your services."  
  
"I'm not cheap," Zelgadis continued.  
  
"I expected as much, but don't worry, I have plenty to pay you with." Tears were forming in her eyes and she had her hands clasped in front of her. "Oh, thank you. Thank you so much, Graywords-san!"  
  
Zelgadis scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah, heh. You don't have to call me that. Zelgadis is fine."  
  
Her smile got broader. "Zel-Zelgadis..." The waterworks had started and she through her arms around the sorcerer, burying her face in his shirt. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!"  
  
Zelgadis sweatdropped.  
  
"Uh? It's okay..." Zelgadis offered, as he patted her back awkwardly. "Why don't you get a hold on yourself, huh?"  
  
Sniffling, she looked up at Zelgadis. "I'm just so relieved that...you..." Suddenly she reached out and grabbed Zelgadis' cape and blew, loud.  
  
A look of disgust crossed the entire group and even some of the other people in the restaurant.   
  
The job hasn't even started and I'm starting to regret this, Zelgadis thought to himself.  
  
  
  
Over in the kitchen, the waitress who had been serving the group was peeking her head through the door. She had witnessed the girl using the man's cape as a tissue and was feeling a little green.   
  
"What are they doing now?" the cook asked in a low voice.  
  
"Well, they were talking, but they don't seem interested in the food anymore."  
  
"Thank, Cephied," he sighed. To think we had been serving the Dramatta himself? I didn't know what we were going to do."  
  
"I still can't believe they finished off all of our main ingredients at just breakfast."  
  
"I know," he shivered. "Hopefully they'll just go away and forget about their order?"  
  
"And what if they don't?" she asked in alarm.  
  
The cook leaned on the counter. "I don't know... I don't know! I shouldn't have to work under these conditions!" There was a pause before he looked over at the waitress. "Hold me?"  
  
"Only if you hold me."  
  
  
________________________________________________  
  
I'll put out the next chapter very soon. And you'll soon hear from the Trickster Priest, erm, I mean Priestess.  
  
  



End file.
